Women, lose weight
Well, it is spring in glorious Clemson, and so I've once again resumed my hobby of ogling, barking, and walking into lampposts. However, over the long winter, I do believe that most of the women in town have gained a few pounds. This is an outrage. Why should the quality of my leering be decreased just because these women don't have the self-control to starve themselves in the weeks before spring? Thus, we must start a campaign to reduce the self-esteem of the entire female population, making them more eager to please us.