Eggroll, Bagel, Cookie, Vengeance

The Four Ninja Food Groups

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Ah, Spring is in the air!

Ah, I love the smell of Spring. The flowers, the warm breeze, the little birds chirping in the trees... I just can't get enough. Anyway, as I was contemplating my favorite napping position, I felt at piece with the world; if only for a moment, I was at peace!

But then I remembered about scones. Man, do scones piss me off! I can sort of understand the saps who prefer muffins to bagels as the preferred on-the-go breakfast, and even doughnuts have some redeeming qualities. But scones?

Come on man, really. Straight from the makers of haggis, we have baked shortbread that makes cardboard taste like cotton candy.

Next time someone says something to me like, "yeah, I like bagels with lox, but a nice fruitted oat scone just can be beat," well, I just don't think I will be able to guarauntee their safety anymore.

I love Spring, but man do I hate scones.

54 Comments:

Blogger Courtney said...

Scones are overated.

11:12 PM  
Blogger Mark's Life said...

You may be having spring, but spare a thought to everyone in the southern hemisphere who are plunging coldly into winter!!! Ahhhhh.... chilly toes.

:)

4:59 AM  
Blogger Fawn said...

I think that maybe you have had a bad scone experience! :( Don't hate the scone man. All I am saying, is give scones a chance! I am so with you on the Haggis!!!! ;P

6:33 AM  
Blogger RK said...

I am a little embarrassed, but I do not know what a scone is.

Please, (if you haven't done this already), please take a look at this quiz--at least once in your life:

http://whowilldietoday.blogspot.com/

7:46 AM  
Blogger Sonia said...

But have you ever had scones sliced into thin bread halfs and spread cream and jam on them? Along with a cup of hot tea (that which I also add cream to)... That is lovely-especially when had in english tea house. *smiles quaintly*

11:09 AM  
Blogger Chris Fried said...

Scones are pretty much not good in any way.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Gloria said...

Perhaps you had a old scone instead of a fresh one? Anyway scones aren't too bad =)

11:59 AM  
Blogger Owen said...

Just make sure it isn't me that you are standing next to. If nothing else the scone will be good for beating you to death...

Now if you change the words muffin and scone around in your post I think you'll find that you are on to something

2:48 PM  
Blogger Atat said...

Oy, scones are bloody rancid compared to a nice bagel.

4:27 PM  
Blogger Mr. Outrageous Ebay Auctions said...

Scones are dry and tatse like flour. I just think they are terribly overated. Love your blog otherwise.

5:21 PM  
Blogger koalaMan said...

Mark,

You may be bracing for Winter, but I am a poor marsupial stuck on the wrong side of the world. I mean for heaven sakes, people think I am a racoon or something! It's really quite insufferable.

I would leave, but as they say, you can't ever go home. Know what I'm sayin?

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A scone and a cup of java...a slice of heaven.

10:25 PM  
Blogger Nessa said...

I have yet to meet a scone that gives me that special feeling.

11:26 PM  
Blogger MB said...

Good scones are excellent; not so good scones are dry and floury. A bad scone miight be used as a weapon. You could probably throw it at someone and injure them badly. Or you could choke to death on a bad scone. But the good ones are heavenly, like a cross between a shortcake and a Southern-style biscuit.

Now a bad biscotti, that's really bad.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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It needs impruve.
Please
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9:38 AM  
Anonymous λοοιοπξοηηκβσαmmι said...

:(

9:39 AM  
Anonymous λοοιοπξοηηκβσαmmι said...

:(

9:39 AM  
Blogger muffin said...

Owen, you're pissing me off! Do not tempt my blueberries of rage!

10:43 AM  
Blogger Albert L Berriz said...

Nice bloggin'

free cognition

4:09 PM  
Blogger skanktastic said...

Anyway who finds time to type more than ninenteen words about scones has too much time and therefore stinks.

6:28 PM  
Blogger Cinemasochist said...

There has to be something said about a food that tastes worse than if you ate the package it came in.

8:28 PM  
Anonymous mishem said...

but scones are delicious!!! :(

9:50 AM  
Blogger The Switch said...

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11:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scones are best after sex. You obviously aren't getting any...

:)

1:29 PM  
Blogger mattles said...

Man I love scones.

3:08 PM  
Blogger Grant said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Grant said...

Scones are for wimps. Muffins are for real humans.

4:31 PM  
Blogger JoAn-smiling & hypo with Hello Kitty said...

koala man? hehehhehhee..sorrie random stuff.....

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

scones make me go poop

7:09 PM  
Blogger kathrynhowlswithwolves said...

Scones! But, but..I just found them...when I was visiting Mrytle Beach -- in the Starbucks...and I ate it...and it was full of blueberries....and I...*gulp*...I liked it YES I Liiikkeed itttt!

Guess I was hungry and anything would do.....

But it had sugar nobules on top, too....

and, and.....I want another one...even though they suck....

Gawd help me ....I've been Sconed ....pass the biscuits, Quick! and the muffins- hurry! Before it's too late....
:-)

8:59 AM  
Blogger TwistedNoggin said...

I hate to scorn the scones but all those that I have ever seen/tasted were hard enough to crack coconuts. Maybe they are just always stale when I see them, which is usually in coffee shops filled with people who just want to say "Oh, I read and excellent article while enjoying some Chai and a scone earlier...", so they care none about the actual flavor.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Dgirlcancook said...

scones are good with tea!

6:05 PM  
Blogger dan said...

yea dude, naps are the best...

9:05 PM  
Blogger Gern said...

Glad to see ninjas make other people hungry, too...

7:40 AM  
Blogger Ovedya said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:05 PM  
Blogger Ovedya said...

think what ticks me off more than scones in general is, which way should they be pronounced? Is it supposed to sound like "owns" or "ons"?

Anything that tears the skin off the roof of my mouth when I eat it is destined for the garbage bin.

3:06 PM  
Blogger The Cytherean Athlete said...

You've definitely been eating the wrong scones. My dad's been making them since I was a child. It was an all day event and everyone of them was slightly crisp on the outside, moist on the inside. And with clotted cream, they're to die for. The love child of a muffin and a biscuit.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Matt Nagel said...

I love scones. Especially chocolate chip. At my old work, the scones were 800+ calories each. (It's the butter.) But because of the high caloric content of the scone, I've given up on scones all together.

6:02 PM  
Blogger Nørgård 3 said...

That's really funny. I love spring, but hate scones. Now that's just a magnificent sentence.

Tue
www.womenmoustache.blogspot.com

12:02 AM  
Blogger Rogue said...

Spring??? Spring??? It's 110 degrees here in Hell...I mean Phoenix. But yeah, scones DO suck.

9:23 AM  
Blogger David said...

Het scone-hater, how about eggnog? I am convinced the world is divided between egg noggers and anti-egg nogites...

Best Blogging!

10:23 PM  
Blogger xpurt witness said...

You've obviously never experienced my gingerbread scones with cinnamon and brown sugar glaze... Woe to thee!

While we're at it, you've probably not partaken of my Monkey Bread either. It's such a shame.

5:03 AM  
Blogger Debi said...

Don't know how I stumbled upon your site....but you're hysterical. Thanks for the laugh. You mind if I link you?

4:04 PM  
Blogger phaedre said...

YEAH!!

At least tea biscuits sound boring. Scones sound like they will be exotic, savory and delicious, but all they turn out to be is uppity little hockey pucks! WTF!!

9:09 PM  
Blogger Overton said...

Yeah, I hate scones too brother. But, c'mon....don't knock the haggis. It can never be knocked from its zenith point atop the food pyramid! Amen.

8:27 AM  
Blogger GangstaCobby said...

Dude! i love ninjas too! i'm a black belt!!!

12:07 PM  
Blogger koalaMan said...

props to all 'ya scone haters.

Just to clarify a few things:

1.) All may link to us (even scone lovers).
2.) Egg nog is fine if it is spiked with liquor. If there is some stiff eucolyptis, even better, although humans may find it fatal (except Ninjas, because they have probably built an immunity.)
2.a.) nog is often made with Rum. Rum is for Pirates. Pirates suck. So do dogs, who love pirates, eat koalas, and attack my kids.
3.) People who think their scones are good are pirates of one form or another.
4.) Think Jedi are cool? Watch "Hero" or "Crouching Tiger" and tell me what you have to say then.

Thanks for all the support!

2:31 PM  
Blogger devans said...

The first time I saw a scone, I said what the heck? The donut industry is trying too hard. Scones make no sense. I can't stand junk food!

9:38 PM  
Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

I've never eaten a scone, as I can recognize shit when I see it.

2:05 AM  
Blogger Barry M. said...

Scones were horrible - than somebody put Orange Icing on them -

2:36 AM  
Blogger seira said...

I love spring,too!! My birthday is on April.I also like autumn.I like mild season. I like sweets,too!!

8:00 PM  
Blogger please dont delete me im elmo said...

i still say demons are the way to go

8:04 AM  
Blogger Shooterchick said...

I have never had a scone before..Is that sad?...but i LOVE poptarts!:D :)

6:59 AM  
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12:15 AM  

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