Eggroll, Bagel, Cookie, Vengeance

The Four Ninja Food Groups

Thursday, November 23, 2006

A Reclusive Life Doesn't Have To Be a Disengaged Life

I promise I am not complaining. Really, I am not, although it may sound like I am. In doing battle with pirates everywhere, I have recently been unable to avoid the question...

WHERE ARE ALL THE NINJAS???

I understand that we are difficult to pick out of a croud, and that we sorta specialize in the whole "solitary assassin" thing. If someone asked me, "hey, koalaMan, I am starting a ninja-union, do you want to join?" I would be like, "no way man! That's totally lame!" But really, you think that with my precision, my speed, and my general rage, I would sense a ninja from time to time, but the radar is pretty much flatlined these days, which is not cool at all.

Don't get me wrong, I am not scared of pirates. They are totally wusses, and ten pirates wouldn't stand a chance against even a modestly-adept ninja (say, one that has a weakness for the biscuits or something.) However, we do need to get down out of the tree, unsheath our shurikens and our laser guns, and get George Washington on their Martin Van Buren asses! Like the 8th president of the United States, pirates may be dense, hairy wusses, but also like ole' kinderhook, pirates stick together and help their own to get ahead. Furthermore, they have recently been demonstrating a disturbing aptitude for improving their image through various media, like music and cinema. Every day it seems like I see some person who seems okay at first, but then is like, "yeah, I love pirates! They are really cool!" Why? I think you know, and so I'll spare you the tirade. But seriously, ninjas-- time is short. Remember, especially while you Yanks are giving thanks today, that a real ultimate holiday is coming up, and then it will be time to show thanks. Flip out on a pirate. Eat a bagel (or a muffin) while wailin' on a scone-eater. Do something, anything, just to show that we're out there. We gotta start biting back, or we'll be drinkin' rum and reelin' like vermin before you know it.

67 Comments:

Anonymous The Professor of Historical Sarcasm said...

Ninjas are at a distinct disadvantage in this sorry age of instant gratification. Becoming a ninja requires many years of hard training: assuming your master doesn't kill you. All it takes to become a pirate is some rum and an unlit closet to dress in.

and guns. Lots of guns.

10:58 AM  
Blogger koalaMan said...

Professor, you are an inspiration to me. You truly understand the circumstance of today's ninja. I also admire your ability to shroud your identity-- certainly the mark of a good ninja. Ah, if only I could find your blog...

6:36 PM  
Anonymous the professor of historical sarcasm said...

What, me, a blog? Oh no, my dear boy. I'm too busy with my... research! Anything I would post would be... too ... high level for this sort of thing. I believe it is helpful if I provide... critique to what thought I find.

2:07 PM  
Anonymous jennFren said...

Ye dare to ask "where are all the ninjas?"!?!?

As any good red-blooded, srum-drinkin', eye-patch-wearin', sword-carrying, sea-sailin', swaggering pirate knows, there's only one answer...


THE PIRATES GOT 'EM ALL!!! ARRRR!

3:28 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

: )

7:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Us ninjas are out in the country, on a holiday. We will return shortly.
Vengence will be swift and alarmingly fatal.

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Anonymous Anbukei said...

I also think that it is sad that there are not many true ninjas left. It must feel great to have such power with without a weapon in sight. I would personally love to become a ninja, but I just don't have the time or physical prowess to do so... And about the pirates thing... Ninjas ftw!!! bumbling pirates would stand no chance against a cunning, swift, and hard-hitting ninja!!

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Blogger ignorantDelilah said...

Um... Maybe they're hiding? They could be watching you type in your blogs... that's how I feel, anyway... where did I get this horrible gash???

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i love this blog! keep up good works...its to be nice if we can know each other, do you think so?

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